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I’m struggling, hard. And I’m torn about how to deal with it. And about how much I can post on the internet about it – a close friend of mine’s life changed in a dramatic way at work because of her blog. And she was careful!
And I have no energy for this right now but I’m gonna make sure I write at least a little bit more regularly. Sorry for this crappy post but maybe the third of these will turn into something.
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It’s been a hundred and fifty years since I posted anything of value on here, so I’m going to do a little catching up.
- I am in the last four weeks of a ten month long project opening a new office at work. My company has been managing a $47 billion (or thereabouts) renovation of a building in Chestnut Hill that we’ll be moving in to the first week of November. And the mayor is going to cut the ribbon!! I share a percentage of the responsibility for that which only enhances my excitement. That being said, it has been the busiest and most difficult year I’ve had at work. It’s rewarding, stressful, empowering, scary, and for the first time in my life I feel like my head is actually full. Like full, like I couldn’t keep another detail in my head without losing something.
- My sons are now almost 3 1/2 and 1 1/2, and both in full time daycare. The eldest, though, is in more like pre-school, and is so grown up to me sometimes I want to cry. My youngest is walking and saying a handful of mostly intelligible words. (Truth time for parents of two: yes, you compare them. You don’t rate them, but they are undoubtedly different and you know the differences. My first talked earlier and my second walked earlier. There it is.)
- I just got back from a fabulously relaxing and luxurious vacation in Puerto Vallarta. I had never been to Mexico before, and my best friend and I spent four days in a four-star boutique hotel and spa being waited on hand and foot. As in at one point, a massage therapist washed my feet with hibiscus flowers. REALLY.
- The Phillies are killing it in the post-season, and perhaps led to my renewed interest in this blog, as I started it the week headed into the World Series in 2008. The one we won. Also I recently battled an addiction to Farmville on Facebook (no judging), and am amazed at the amount of time that’s become available to use the computer for other things!
- I have a lump under my collarbone. I found it in June, got it looked at in July, and after blood work revealed nothing but a slightly hyperactive thyroid, was sent to a surgical oncologist for evaluation and a possible biopsy. It’s a lymph node, so technically all I have right now is lymphadenopathy, and that’s more of a symptom than a problem. We just don’t know what the problem is. I have to have a chest x-ray and a mammogram (unnerving at my age but a reminder I’m getting older, lovely). I also have to put five pounds on and come back in a couple of months for ultrasounding or catscanning or whatever. My doctor is great and reassuringly conservative, but I’m aggravated that it’s unresolved.
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10/9/2010
1. root for the phillies in another stadium
2. see the redwoods
3. travel to and from some place on a boat
2/1/2011
4. go to an olympic event
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I might not post another entry for months (again). I can’t get demoralized by my lack of updates and give up. I’m sidelined today because of a minor (major) foot injury and have some time. I just can’t get those floodgates open with ideas for posts.
And crap! We have a birthday party in 20 minutes.
TBC . . ..
Rough day. I threw my back out. I’d never done that before and now I understand the expression on a whole nother level. I strained it a little yesterday dragging my massive baby’s car seat across the floor at a weird angle. It hurt like hell but didn’t last that long and I rested it and it got better overnight.
Then today, UGH, I bent over to pick up Danny from the swing and popped something. Or pinched something. Or pulled something. Probably all three I think.
Mind you, my seven month old child weighs about 23 pounds. Sonny didn’t weigh that at a year.
So it hurt, but I was already holding him and thought it’d be best to get him to lie down and reached to grab something to take upstairs with him – and I nearly dropped him from the pain. It took everything I had in me to get him safely to the floor without dropping him straight down, I flopped onto the floor next to him and then – I couldn’t move.
Stuck prostrate on the floor next to my baby and my two year old. Panicking at the thought of my husband almost three hours away in the mountains til Sunday. Wondering if I’ll actually be on the floor until then.
I couldn’t get my mother on the phone, I couldn’t get anybody on the phone for ten minutes. It had already been twenty before I’d convinced Sonny to bring me my phone from the couch. When I finally got my girlfriend on the phone I burst into tears at the sound of her voice. I also eventually reached my mother and since she was the only one with a key to my house and there was no way my little boy could help me get up to unlock the door, she came over to help me.
Anyway, I’m alright. I’m upright. I’m annoyed and tired and I hurt but I’m slowly getting around.
I hate it when my body doesn’t work.
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it’s no news in philly that we’ve had over 3 feet of snow in the last week. we were snowed in most of the week, and due to a fortunate series of events, my sis got stuck at our house with us so we had a fun baby week bonding. this time next week, however, i’ll be in miami on the way to my haircut appointment. yeah, i go to miami to get my haircut. nbd.
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Where did you begin this year?
pregnant and sneaking champagne at my neighbor’s party
What was your status by Valentine’s Day?
still pregnant and miserable.
Did you have to go to the hospital?
see above. spent half a week at Pennsylvania after Danny was born.
Did you have any encounters with the police?
No, but I was at family court with my mom.
Where did you go on vacation?
Umm . . . nowhere? Vacation-light year, though 2010 has three on the books already! I went to NYC for 48 hours and spent a few days down Cape May Point.
What did you purchase that was over $500?
repairs to my car.
Did you know anybody who got married?
Yes!
Did you know anybody who passed away?
Yes, but nobody before their time, thank goodness.
What sporting events did you attend?
Some Flyers games.
What concerts/shows did you go to?
Lykke Li; Manda opening for YEAH YEAH YEAHS!!!!!!!!!, Santi (whilst 8 months pregnant and yes Lil John rubbed my belly), Peaches, and as always, plenty of Sweatheart.
update: I can’t believe I forgot the most incredible show I went to last year! We saw Morrissey at the Academy of Music. He did four costume changes and had a GONG on stage. Unbelievable.
Where do you live now?
Germantown
Describe your birthday.
I honestly cannot remember my birthday this year.
What’s the one thing you thought you would never do but did in 2009?
What has/have been your favorite moment(s)?
Sonny meeting his new baby brother. Continually being amazed at how powerful and amazing my little sister has become.
Any new additions to your family?
One!
What was your best month?
Something at the end of the year, for sure.
Who has been your best drinking buddy?
Neighbs. Next year it will be my husband!!
Made new friends?
Only got closer with old ones.
Favorite Night[s] out?
I always love when Manda dresses me up and takes me out. Had a few lovely nights with my husband, and with his friends . . .
Any regrets?
Nah.
What do you want to change next year?
Better budget management, stay ahead of the housework, spend more time alone with my husband.
Thoughts for 2010?
We’ll see.
Overall, how would you rate this year?
On a scale of 1-10, probably a 8!
Have any life changes in 2009?
Yes.
Change your hairstyle?
Ugh, no.
Get a new job?
No
How old did you turn this year?
I was 29 in august.
Do you have a New Year’s resolution?
saving those for another post. I have to look at the old ones again!
Did anything embarrassing?
Of course!
Get married or divorced?
No
Be honest – did you watch American Idol?
Umm, no actually. Though we have in the past.
Start a new hobby?
Nope.
Are you happy to see this year go?
Sure – excited for the next one.
Drank Starbucks in 2009?
Maybe twice.
Been naughty or nice?
Mostly nice I guess. A little naughty.
What are you wishing for in the coming year?
Calm. Another hour in the day.
preface: i read my friend christa’s blog when i can; i’m not sure if she even knows. nonetheless, her openness and her consistency inspire me and gently remind me that i want to be blogging more. what follows is the first of several exercises ripped directly off of her.
I have (I guess) the luxury of having the decades of my life coincide with the decades on a calendar. The end of 2009 marks the last full year of my twenties. These reviews have a special poignancy for me because they mark a round third of my life. It unsettles me a little that the next time I do this it will have only been a quarter of my life but that’s a post for early august.
Best Day – my wedding, the births of my sons, but christ, so much else that’s happened has been wonderful. my brother was also born (weird, right?), and my sister’s album came out, my eldest child learned to talk, walk, my youngest smiled . . .
Worst Day – december 1, 2007, the death of my brother-in-law. also november 14, 2000, the day i found out that my boyfriend john was dead.
Best Decision – marrying my husband
Worst Decision – leaving school
Saving Grace – my therapist
Downfall – trying to control too much, trying to take care of too much, not standing up for myself (all things that are markedly improved compared to when I WAS 20 YEARS OLD)
Best Realization – that I am a fox. also that i am not having any more kids.
Worst Realization – that I am not having any more kids.
Biggest Hope – to be able to stop living paycheck to almost paycheck
Biggest Fear – something happening to my children
Best Year – 2006
Worst Year – 2001
People I Can’t Live Without – my sister, my boys, my husband, keyonnee
People I Can Live Without – my mother’s exhusband, people i used to do drugs with
Thing I Can’t Live Without – my phone. i know.
Thing I Can Live Without – the alarm on my house. i hate you, vector security.
Best Fashion Find – pencil skirts. and the DVFs my husband bought for me. he also bought me a pair of copper prada pumps that deserve an honorable mention
Worst Fashion Find – nursing bras.
Fashion Obsession – shoes and sunglasses.
Fashion Hate – dry clean only (purely for logistical reasons)
Best Food/Drink Find – seriously, it’s chinese pizza.
Worst Food/Drink Find – hrm. i don’t try much new.
Food/Drink Love – trader joe’s alfredo with fresh peas
Food/Drink Hate – Mexican – outranking other food i don’t like because of its frequency in my life.
TV Love – Lost, the Wire
TV Hate – Fox news
Internet Love – Twitter, dooce
Internet Hate – the unread count in my blog reader
Best Development – the opening of the backyard
Worst Development – mom’s short-lived yet disastrous marriage
Mood Improver – my boys
Mood Worsener – propaganda
Best Investment – my BJs membership
Worst Investment – any technology that i bought before the sizes and prices came down
Best Travel – oh so many cool places – moscow, reyjkavik, florianopolis, but my heart is on the white sand beaches of negril
Worst Travel – driving to florida in 17 hours for my uncle jack’s funeral, then leaving 30 hours later with alcohol poisoning for another 20 hour drive home.
Personal Empowerment – successfully negotiating what i needed at work after i had my second son
Personal Struggle – eating like a 10 year old
Best Accomplishment – despite the redundancy, my children
Worst Failure – my biggest regret is leaving my video camera in my car the fateful night it got broken into and we lost our wedding video. forever.
How I Started This Decade – bartending, in love with an idiot, making dumb decisions, living with my dad
How I’m Ending This Decade – with my own amazing wonderful beautiful family, in a house that needs a shitton of work but is really perfect, a job i’m more satisfied with than ever, and a negative balance in my checking account.
so on july 20th, we had our second:
our first really liked him:
he’s already doubled in size:
details to follow – i’m only just back!
After the New Year, I put a note in my calendar for the middle of February reminding me that I had made several New Year’s Resolutions. As it turns out, I had forgotten a couple of them, but made healthy progress on a couple:
- I am absolutely eating more vegetables. I’m not really drinking more water. I’m not even drinking enough water – I sort of forgot about part two of this one and that cast a bit of a pall on my pride at eating more vegetables.
- I am keeping a calendar so far, and often doing the things I put in it!
- I am writing more (if this blog and some virals on facebook count), but
- I haven’t read much of anything this year which is a shame because I got a bunch of good books for Christmas that are still in a pile on my dining room table.
- I haven’t thrown anything out yet other than junkmail.
I’ll put something in my calendar for April to see how I’m doing. I don’t really want to look at my goals yet though.
smokefight 